You may not realize it but sometimes you fight yourself. You are desirous of one type of outcome but your actions force you to the opposite outcome.
This is caused by mental-emotional processes that are built in.
How do you know when you are doing this to yourself?
One sure sign is negativity.
Negative emotions are a dead giveaway that you are fighting yourself. You want something very badly and your actions are going to work towards denying you that outcome.
The negativity is impossible to fully hide even if you are a great actor. And when the other person senses your negativity, they are less likely to be persuaded by whatever you say.
Negativity lowers your effectiveness. You are picturing yourself failing and that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is one sense in which negative emotions are a useful tool. Like an alarm clock, they wake you up to a problem needing to be addressed. Just like an alarm clock, to be at your best and most effective, you turn off the alarm before doing anything else.
However, most people find it is virtually impossible to turn off their negative emotions.
Chapter 11 of MIND MAGIC (free links during the pandemic) provides a battery of tools which can enable you to turn off negative emotions, while getting down to creative solution thinking, that will aid you in whatever your outcome quest happens to be at the time.
The first thing to do is to understand where and why you are experiencing negative emotions.
The easiest case is fear. It will be fairly easy to figure out what you are afraid of.
Anger is another type of negative emotion that is a little more difficult to diagnose in terms of the cause. But the secret is to ask yourself what you are afraid of losing or not getting that is making you mad. Anger is always the result of fear of loss of something you have or are trying to get.
Depression or disheartenment are the most difficult types of negative emotions to figure out the cause of. If you feel a dull vague sense of negative emotion it could take a while to determine the cause.
Your feelings might be hurt. You could be frustrated at how long some things are taking. It could simply be the aftereffects of a bad dream.
When it takes more than a couple of minutes to see the cause of your negative emotions, the best approach is to stop trying to figure it out, and to take a break from work, get into an alone space (outdoors in nature is the best), and just goof off. Yoga or meditation would be ideal if you do those things. Otherwise goofing off is a perfectly acceptable proxy. Goofing off is very close to meditation. The main point when you don’t know why you are sulking, is to stop trying to get through your TO-DO LIST. Goofing off is a wonderful cure, because it allows the subconscious mind to send you messages. Ones which would almost never get through while you are enmeshed in your TO-DO LIST.
Once you find out the cause, then a useful tool is drawing schematics of action options, circles with captions indicating what they represent, and arrows indicating what you are feeling the cause and effect relationships would be if you took those actions. Keep going until you feel that you have a plan and a sense of inner clarity.
There is much more useful technique in the chapter at the link above. Here’s a sample:
Transform worries into tasks
by distinguishing
the variables you can control
from the variables you cannot control;
then set out to control the former variables
and essentially ignore the latter variables.
Worrying is negative input
once you have identified the controllable variables
and have set yourself to controlling them.
Worrying under such conditions
implies that you should concern yourself
with phenomena beyond your control;
such concern is misplaced,
since you will always have quite enough to think about
as regards phenomena that are under your control.
That which is beyond your control
is not your responsibility;
whatever happens that is beyond your control
can only be accepted as necessary.
Wishing you alignment with yourself and the much-admired capability to keep on smiling through whatever life throws at you.
All my best,
Bill